Chocolate, Betrayal and Sarcasm.

I posted this little sarcastic rant on the facebook page of ‘Cadbury Dairy Milk – Australia’, and was quite pleased with how it turned out as a piece of writing, so thought I would repost it here for a laugh. Will post updates if I ever get a reply,,,

“I went to a Donut King to buy a milkshake, and saw on their menu a picture of a Cadbury Mint Bubbly chocolate bar superimposed over the top of a photo of a milkshake with what appeared to be mint bubbly chocolate crumbled on top of it. 

Being partial to mint bubbly chocolate, and to the choc-mint flavour combo in general, I asked for a ‘mint bubbly milkshake’. The girl serving me said, ‘what?’, so I pointed at the picture, at which point she nodded and walked away.

When I was presented with my milkshake, it did indeed have Cadbury Mint Bubbly chocolate crumbled over the top of it, but when I took a sip I nearly gagged!

Instead of the expected taste of cool choc-mint, my mouth was assaulted by the horrific flavour of A Lime Milkshske!

Let’s forgo any discussion about how lime milkshakes should only ever be used as shock therapy for the terminally taste deprived, but why on earth is a lime milkshake being advertised as a Cadbury Mint Bubbly shake?

Did my taste buds miss a memo informing them that lime and mint were now the same flavour and to expect them to be used interchangeably? Has Donut King turned over its product development to an octogenarian orangutan that has retired from a laboratory life of smoking unfiltered dung? Or has Cadbury just decided that any publicity is good publicity, even if it means rewarding their customer’s brand loyalty with a lime-flavoured kick in the face? 

This experience has left me with the snack-related equivalent of PTSD as I find myself unable to trust the advertised nature of any snack. No longer do I shop at Donut King for fear of ordering a cinnamon doughnut and being served with an amusing novelty poo. Further, my confidence in my own ability to judge flavour has been so shaken that I now find myself eating only ‘healthy’ foods, knowing them to be utterly devoid of flavour and therefore able to be consumed without fear.

Finally, as a seriously overweight man whose brand loyalty to Cadbury had transcended all common sense or advice to lose weight, I feel betrayed by a brand that I have literally held at a value higher than my own life. 

For shame, Cadbury, that you put your name to such a lie. You leave me with the choice been finding an alternative brand to gorge myself on, or cutting such high sugar, fatty snacks from my diet. And that is an option neither of us really wants.”

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